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i_am_loosing_it [userpic]

The End. And everyone lived Happily ever after.

January 30th, 2006 (11:31 pm)
drained

current mood: drained

I quit. Not starving, though, no not that. I quit eating. I'm gonna see how long I can go before I just collapse. I've broken mentally. I am an empty shell and this shell is just a lie which I despise. I want it gone. I want the facade to come crashing down. I am more depressed than I have ever been before. I am alone, unloved, fat, a faliure, a nobody, and I never will be. So I quit.

i_am_loosing_it [userpic]

(no subject)

January 24th, 2006 (05:14 pm)

Okay so a study was done claiming that if you eat every 3 hours you keep your energy up and speed up your metabolism. So, I am thinking that if I eat something like an apple, yogurt, pretzels every 3 hours then I can lose those last few pounds that wont budge without putting myself into the hospital. Maybe I'll actually have the energy to get things done again, too. We will see I'll keep u guys posted on how it goes and what I eat if u r curious.

i_am_loosing_it [userpic]

(no subject)

December 24th, 2005 (05:00 am)
giddy

current mood: giddy

Fasting starts.... NOW! No food until Monday. Itsy bitsy me, I love my bones.

i_am_loosing_it [userpic]

Oh, poo....

December 24th, 2005 (05:00 am)

Well, I am down to 117 after eating and such. I am going to fast for a few days and see where that puts me... 112?!?! I hope. Lol 110 would be the best christmas gift ever. I need to work out tommarow. I am starting to be everything I have always wanted, a skinny tan little girl with long dark brown hair. Fist I should sleep though, hehe. Well my engagment is on the rocks for about 20 reasons. lets list them (I love lists)
1. There are alot of things he does that I let slide and shouldn't.
2. He acts as if I am being a bitch when I tell him I am angry with him.
3. Everything is always my fault.
4. He complains about every little thing.
5. He thinks the world should revolve around him.
6. The time he called me fat is burned into my mind.
7. I know I could find a guy who thinks I am gorgeous and perfect and that they are blessed to have the chance to be with me.
8. I have not been single in nearly 5 years and I am 18, I cant get married having never truley been single!
9. I need to know that emotionally I can stand on my own 2 feet.
10. So that neither of us will have to continue making sacrifices we will later in life regret.
11. We have only been together 6 months and are already starting to fight.
12. I need to be able to focus on school and possibly work.
Theres probably more but I need a cig after all that.

i_am_loosing_it [userpic]

(no subject)

December 21st, 2005 (01:42 pm)
cheerful

current mood: cheerful

Okay so my life is crazy right now but at least I am still loosing weight. I dont know how much I have lost but I know my waist is about an inch smaller. I love it I have long dark brown hair halfway down my back a tiny wait and fairly decent sized boobs and my legs are turning into sticks. So close to what I have always wanted to be!

i_am_loosing_it [userpic]

(no subject)

December 15th, 2005 (05:41 pm)
aggravated

current mood: aggravated

OMG I want to purge so bad but there are people doing their hair in there right now. I am so mad. I have to see my fiance today and I am gonna have this nasty bloated belly.

i_am_loosing_it [userpic]

(no subject)

December 15th, 2005 (01:22 am)
anxious

current mood: anxious

My period still hasn't come I am starting to get increasingly nervous. I have weighed less than this and ate the same but never been this late. Everyone keeps saying it's no big deal you are only a week late but that never happens to me. I feel like shit and I don't have enough money to keep buying pregnancy tests so I don't want to use the other one until I am really sure the results will be right. So I should wait until monday when I am 11 days late but if I don't start by friday I think I might cave and take it. There are like 5 reasons why the first test may have been wrong that I didn't know about so I want to be sure this ones right. Watch me start tomarrow after venting all this on l/j and I will look like an idiot.

i_am_loosing_it [userpic]

(no subject)

December 12th, 2005 (08:20 pm)
busy

current mood: busy

Well I haven't gotten my period in a week and now that I have taken a pragnancy test and am sure I am not gonna have a baby, the whole thing makes me kinda happy. I guess to mean it proves that I am doing well. The only problem is I don't have time to work out because of exams. Grr I hate these things. I should be studying but... I'll do that after this. I ate today even though I said I wouldn't yesterday. I kept thinking if I was pregnant I would be hurting someone who had no part in my stupidity. So I had a chicken breast and vegetables. Of course then I felt sick. Now I that I know there is no little monster in my womb I can starve some more. Yay! I like living off of cigs, diet coke and water. It is a rewarding feeling to know that you have that kind of determination and self control. I really think I can get down to the 90's this time. My thighs are getting skinny. It makes me so happy. I think I am actually at or below my lowest weight. I have no scale though so I don't know. I know that my jeans from then are looser than they were then. I know I go longer w/o eating then I did. I feel a sense of accomplishment, and I love it. I can't weight to go home in 2 weeks and get on the scale. I want to get to 110 by then or lower. That would be about 5 pounds and put my total weight loss at about 22 pounds within I think 2 months. I would freakin flip out. Anyway going to go study now!

i_am_loosing_it [userpic]

(no subject)

December 11th, 2005 (06:53 pm)

Okay so I had a burrito at taco bell then threw up. It was a little bit of a pain in the ass because even though I did it right after I ate half of it just wouldn't come up I kept dry heaving. So I drank water waited 10 minutes then tried agian that worked a little better. Tomarrow I am going to try and repeat last week because I know that if I do at the end of the week I will be down to 115, at least.

i_am_loosing_it [userpic]

(no subject)

December 10th, 2005 (03:45 pm)
chipper

current mood: chipper

Okay so yesterday was the first day I ate a meal without throwing up since Tuesday. At 3:00 I had a small piece of thin crust pizza, an orange, half a cookie and a glass of skim milk. My mom decided we would go out for lunch, at this amazing pasta place. Which sucks because I had only thrown up twice in four days. I was doing so well. I think I might even be down to my short term goal of 115! Not sure though. I will check tomarrow morning. I am so excited I want to go work out. Well I'm off to do that!

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